Victimization

[PamS]

HI Lucis,

Well I have purged really strong feeling of victimization, not in a lysol sense and I am in full understanding of my feelings.  I have 4 planets in the 8th house including Pluto and a Moon Neptune in scorpio in the 9th with 11 house SN Node(with Pluto square the nodes) . I have a really traumatic life on lots of levels...I was also born with a physical deformity on my face, I was sexually abused and had 15 operations by the time I was 11.. I was one pissed off, mo foe.. I used to hit people all the time and was in constant ptsd, being paranoid etc.  Im not that way any more.   Everyone is different, and you can purge those feeling of victimization but once again everyone is different, maybe it was my dharma to be able to move the feelings into  a wider place.  Ive done lots of work, I can honestly say I would not have changed any of it for the world.  I have adored my life, what a wonderful, wild ride, I have been blessed and that comes from my heart, nothing sanitized in that.  

Thinking if complicated, things are not either / or, purge does not mean bleaching out and ignoring... it means to process and learn the valuable lessons, it also does mean never sufferring and feeling...  I have the ability to pull up as many feelings as I need  (both light and dark) and be deeply present with them.  We all have different lessons...

blessings for the interchange,

goddess bless

pam

[Lucius]

PamS - You have had one hell of an ordeal!  You're certainly brave & resiliant!

I just wanted to briefly clarify I didn't mean not removing the feelings or the perception of victimization - with proper adjustment of consciousness that happens.  I mean the emotional reality of these things happening - I certainly will never feel 'good' about some issues in this life and past - but, I have perspective and don't feel 'victimized'.

For instance - if my mother is (and she is!) a narcissist who ignored me growing up only to project all sorts of horse cockamame & make me a scapegoat, say hideous things to me/about me while smiling at my shock, etc. and also expecting me to be the only one who 'understands' her (she's got that right!).  Anyway - I do not feel victimized or 'poor me' for having a mother increasing influenced by evil, aggressive and a liar, etc. - all those lovely narcissitic traits - I have objectivity with regard to it.  But, I don't think I'm ever going to think back on certain times and be 'fine' with it - I'm not 'fine' with it.  However, even so, I can have compassion, etc. for her - I also use good old fashion judgment & discrimination with regard to her to protect myself, which I must.  I hope I'm not going around in circles here.  My point is one can stop being a victim - but, the emotional reality of those experience aren't easily 'purged' and perhpas there is no point to that - it is part of our reality, our experience.

[PamS]

Lucius,


hello I get , my mother was and continues to be a very narcissitic person who would tell me to how ugly I was all the time.  I get it and sometimes I laugh other times I cry and it upsets me.  We are using language in different ways and we are saying similar things but I think the word purge, I think means different things to each of us.  To me purge does not mean get rid of... I support your version, but its different than mine...

thanks for being open abut your experiences. 

 I used to sit with a tantric teacher, who would laugh when people brought her tramatic events, it was so interesting... 

We are all very different and move in different speeds and ways, goddess bless.  If you had told me that I would laugh and smile at my difficult childhood I would have told you you were on some kind of detached drug.  I have learned with incredible grace from all my experiences, blessings and all.  Like I said I would not have traded it for anything, it continues to evolve, I have had an exortodinary interesting life.  Sometimes Im sad by it, but my experience have taught me lots.. That I would not trade for the world....


good bless our differences...

big hug to you lucius...

xoxo pam