[WARNING: No EA Delineations below. Just words from a Heart.]
That simple fact should be shouted, for I know myself to be so small and insignificant: I called...AND SHE CAME FOR ME!!!
So beautifully said Stephen...threw me into tears. God bless you.
I also recommend very highly for you to read the article on the nature of evil and its influence in the horoscope. This is a transcript from a workshop Jeffrey did with a focus on the asteroid Lucifer. This symbol is exactly conjunctly your sun, the sun being the ruler of your pluto. One influence we can see right away is that evil is trying to convince you that you do not have the depth of self-determination that you ACTUALLY have.
The core strategy of evil is to create the opposite reality the soul is intending, and to maintain delusions which keep up from directly knowing and living in alignment with the natural god. Evil does this by focusing upon the weakest area in the soul structure, and by magnifying and distorting that content in ways that make the issues seem insurmountable and/or unchangeable. This magnification and distortion is also done with the specific intent of inducing negative emotion, such as fear, futility, victimization, and a myriad of other self-defeating emotional states, which can UTTERLY DOMINATE OUR ATTENTION, even though our paramount desire is to utterly root our attention in god. When we can't see this influence for what it actually is, i.e. the work of evil to prevent us from evolving back to god, we tend to anticipate worst case scenarios and relate to those scenarios as actual reality, when it's actually NOT. When we relate to these anticipations as an actual reality, we then tend to act according to a sense of imminent threat, which will have nothing to do with what our soul has incarnated to actually do. It sets in motion a chain reaction that reinforces the very pattern evil is trying to keep us chained to...this is the opposite of what god actually wants for us, and it's exactly how evil lengthens, delays, or detours us in our returning journey back to god.
The gift in this symbol is that it can also be the bearer of light, i.e., the means by which we recognize and expose evil's tactics, and the means by which we can snatch that influence away from evil and give it back to god. Thus it has the equal potential to manifest as a god symbol. That is all within our god-given power of will. While the forces of God and Evil are ALMOST equal, God is in fact stronger: 49% evil, 51% god...we get to choose and say who gets the upper hand in the theatrical drama playing out in our lives. The natural god is quiet, unussuming, and humble. It will never impose that upper hand. It wants us to CHOOSE this and to make that request. Evil on the other hand is all too happy to impose itself on the upper hand. It banks on our sense of weariness and futility which makes us feel we have no power or say in how our struggle plays out. The closer a soul gets to god, the more intense evil's desperation becomes to win back its influence over that soul, so it becomes paramount to develop the awareness of how evil tries to operate within us. The article I mentioned is a great resource for deepening and expanding that awareness. So if you feel inclined, read it. Read it very deeply and you will find that knowledge being osmosed into your own interior consciousness.
As for advancing your understanding of the EA paradigm and archetypes within it, believe me, most of us have encountered a major sense of intimidation relative to EA's depth in the beginning...I know I did! As Steve and Chuck have said, the ACTUAL teacher of this work is SPIRIT. Believe me when I say that..I know the truth of this firsthand. I know you know it too.
As an aside, I was raised in a mormon family and have lived in Utah for most of my life. My extended family is devoutly mormon. I currently live and work in the Salt Lake City area. I was a member of the church up until about 5 years ago...not a gung ho member..never really identified with it..but embraced it to the extent that I did because of it's masochistic appeal
(I have quite a religous-masochistic history in my soul)..also hadn't been exposed to anything else..very sheltered religously. Ironically I somehow managed to remain impervious to the actual church doctrine, but DID internalize some of the emotional garbage and readily sucked up all the masochistic content. But always knew my relationship with god had nothing to do with the men claiming to be the only authorized gateway. This is just a knowing I've always had, and it's the reason I was able to maintain a degree of inner spiritual fulfillment in spite of the external environment providing none of that. Meeting Jeffrey in this life was indescribably pivotal. I'll just say he proved some things that I had not been finding in the world, which I always knew inwardly was the reality I was striving for. That of itself brought an incredible acceleration to my own self-actualization. I finally found that I could not tolerate the inner/outer discrepancy of actual knowledge I had in my soul relative to what others were led to believe by relating to me as a member of that church. I wanted my life to be a true reflection of who I ACTUALLY am, and I wanted the true nature of my relationship with god to been seen without any false constructs implying credit for that relationship. I've heard the whole 'you are under the influence of satan' business...'astrology is the work of satan', and the like..I've been through the religious projections where people viewed my process of personal liberation as satan winning over my soul...people trying to impose intervention on my behalf...people crying and feeling attacked/betrayed because of what I knew I needed to do for myself and finally determined to act upon. I did not waiver in my choice and those very people, over time, have come to see that my core devotion remains with god...my most intense critic in fact has totally come to embrace my astrological work...she actually solicits my astrological insight now, and I'm clear that's because I allowed her the initial space to reject it..and when she DID initially reject it, I understood her need
to reject it, thus there was no projection of discord or reactionary judgment on my part..I simply gave her the space to do and feel what was necessary for her, and I honored that exact same space for myself, thus absolutely no guilt. I know this outcome is a product of having 100% OWNED my choice: i.e., "this is just who I naturally am..take it or leave it", and I was prepared to accept whatever outcome that choice would result in relative to other people choosing to stay or pass out of my life. This was done in a true spirit of unconditional love..love for them, love for myself, love for god.
God Bless you Chuck. Your doubt is merely a passing distortion of perspective being induced by evil. I feel the material JWG has provided on the natural of evil will provide you with some new access to exposing this pattern of futility, etc when it tries to manifest in the inner work you are doing. Also just wanted to say: You know deep within yourself what is right for you to do. Honor that. Don't allow evil to distort and mess with that knowledge.