I think this is a difficult discernment and I think we (individually and culturally) tend to be harsh in our assessments/judgments.
Judgments based on what is natural are not harsh, they are appropriate. Sometimes what is appropriate can seem strong. When its a time for that, it is not harsh, its appropriate.
If our approach is too soft or too strong, its a deviation from what is intended.
It's one thing to recognize, on some level, that something's not working. It's another thing to understand all the wounding and lack that has driven the behavior and yet another to know how to then respond to that in a way that allows healing to occur.
There really is no thinking or analysis required for any of that. Its just to operate from one's intuition, which is aligned with what is intended and appropriate. You just know, without knowing how you know. And then you carry out what you know. It's that simple.
When the brain gets overly involved, doubting the intuitions, that is how the distortions enter in. "It can't be that, it must be this. I can't do that, etc." That is what we need to drop. To re-learn to trust the natural process that we innately feel.
I feel that when judgment is used to condemn, it interferes with the instinct for healing.
Naturally judgment never condemns. It simply points out what is there to say. Because of people's wounding they may perceive
what was said as condemning. That doesn't necessarily mean it was.
Distortions of what is natural do condemn. If something is truly condemning its not coming from a natural place.
When judgment is used simply as a means of recognizing and understanding what is/isn't working, it facilitates the healing/growth process.
This is the essence of natural judgment. That is the whole point. When judgment is not coming from that place it is not natural judgment.
Our own wounds keep us from being able to discern the difference. As we start recognizing what each feels like the discerning of the difference gets easier.