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stephen
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« Reply #45 on: Apr 21, 2010, 10:24 PM »

I admit I haven't been here since I posted - frequently feel pretty stupid after I post - but, I think a part of me felt that I might be judged, and that expectation is because I do judge myself harshly and didn't come back until I felt emotionally ready.  Although I do deserve it - proper discrimination, not to sound like a masochist - but, I've a long ways to go and I figure I was born a Virgo to meet it head on!  I feel I don't express myself well either - but, you seem to hear me!  That's nice.

  I too hear you, Lucius.  I have those same issues...feel stupid after I post - every time...feel judged - since I so judge myself...feel emotionally unready - but waiting for the next step...  I hear you.

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I was going through a tough time.

  The times just now have taken on a tougher sheen for me as well.

  In speaking to you perhaps I too am speaking to me...!   In reminding you, maybe I remind me... 
  Remember the God'dess, call to Her and She can help...

Blessings to You,
Stephen
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Lucius
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« Reply #46 on: Apr 22, 2010, 07:29 AM »

Thanks Stephen for the kind words. 

I do want to say I don't usually feel judged posting here - it was that particular post I felt that way.  Just feel stupid most of the time, sometimes I am, sometimes not so much!

I think I posted elsewhere that during last summer I came to the bottom-line realization that nothing destroys Spirit, even if we manage to destroy this earth and with all the evil manifesting....if it were gone in a wink, the Great Spirit still remains.  In some ways that may sound grim, but things are grim, at the same time it's a realization that relieves me and puts this reality into perspective.  I was just musing how difficult times, the Kali Yuga, can facilitate evolution.

Blessings to you, too, Stephen.  We are lucky to have such a nice community here!




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adina
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« Reply #47 on: Apr 22, 2010, 08:15 AM »

Hi Stephen, well, what a synchronistic moment here on the MB, but before I get into why, I'll just say, bless your heart, Stephen. It seems you are, indeed, going through a rough time, but you are ALSO recognizing the energy at play, and it's from that recognition and acknowledgment that you can take positive action. As I've been reminded many times over the years, Jesus was "tested" by evil almost every day of his life and was constantly saying, "Get thee behind me Satan." So.....

Also, I don't know if you've posted your birth info anywere on the forum, but if you care to share it here, perhaps we can help with your crisis MO a little bit. With Mars in Virgo and s node/merc in the sixth, I'm all too familiar with crisis as a way of life.  Roll Eyes   Cheesy   You also mention feeling a sense of "worthlessness," which to me means "masochism," i.e., "I don't deserve. I'm not good enough., etc." I'm sure you know the drill all too well. And yes, there IS a beautiful, simple, and inexpensive method that JWG used to teach to counteract those feelings of worthlessness, of masochism. And it works quite well. We can cover that, too, if you wish.

Also, Stephen, you said the following: "Since I learned the chant, I chant the Gayatri Mantra when I am in the presence of evil, or feel external evil influences, but for a reason which still eludes me, it is very hard for me to remember to do it when I am succumbing to my own dark influence." (emphasis is mine). But that in itself is a real "AH HA" moment, Stephen. Because that is exactly how evil works, again, because this is natural to you to begin with, and I hope you take that the right way. We ALL have our "weak" spots, and too, when we DO feel at our lowest, it leaves the gate wide open for evil in a way that I have found makes it even more difficult to recognize. The little bugger is quite perSIStent and INSIDIOUS.... as Jeffrey used to say, most of it remains hidden.... so no WONder we have difficulty recognizing it. That's evil's INTENTION. 

Back to the synchronicity. The "lovely" Lucifer will enter the sign of Cancer next week (April 28) and will remain there for the next three months - until July 29. I was talking to another council member about this and we feel it's a great time to look at this influence again, especially in light of what's going on here in the U.S. and the rest of the world, and of course, on an individual level since evil's primary way of getting to us is through our emotional body--where we're most emotionally weak. So I'll be starting a separate thread and starting with the U.S. chart, and then bring in more individual examples. In the meantime, we can also continue here.
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stephen
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« Reply #48 on: Apr 22, 2010, 09:08 AM »

I do want to say I don't usually feel judged posting here - it was that particular post I felt that way.  Just feel stupid most of the time, sometimes I am, sometimes not so much!
We are lucky to have such a nice community here!

Oops...sorry for misunderstanding...

Oh yes, I agree...lucky indeed...!

Blessings,
Stephen
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stephen
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« Reply #49 on: Apr 22, 2010, 09:21 AM »

Dear Adina,

  You are very very kind to actually respond to this.  I posted last night, and this morning was going to delete the post.
It took me four months to finally decide to post something about this.

  I am aware of the restrictions of the site, and DO NOT want to overstep.
    "-this is not a place to seek free personal counsel.
      -this is not a place to seek to get one's unfulfilled needs met, unless those needs are to learn more about EA!"

  I was doing very well, learning the paradigm, working the practice charts, interacting on this site (which is hard for me, truly)...and then it fell apart...
  I had realized how smart the postings are on this site, and so left here for awhile, to read more and more of the paradigm.  As you stated, in doing that, I fell prey to my own weaknesses...in this case, the need to be perfect before doing more of the practice charts.  I have worked hard on that internal issue since October, and so have learned some things about me.  So, I am getting ready to rejoin the group at my current level of knowledge (which actually hasn't increased all that much...unfortunately!).

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Also, I don't know if you've posted your birth info anywere on the forum, but if you care to share it here, perhaps we can help with your crisis MO a little bit. With Mars in Virgo and s node/merc in the sixth, I'm all too familiar with crisis as a way of life.        You also mention feeling a sense of "worthlessness," which to me means "masochism," i.e., "I don't deserve. I'm not good enough., etc." I'm sure you know the drill all too well. And yes, there IS a beautiful, simple, and inexpensive method that JWG used to teach to counteract those feelings of worthlessness, of masochism. And it works quite well. We can cover that, too, if you wish.

  There is a practice chart thread with my chart, and I have been reading Lia's and Lesley's posts in that thread, and I plan to soon have a reading with Rad...yet even working on the suggested resolutions...to open my heart, working to be of service...afterwards, I still remain, and so does the self-inflicted darkness to which I allow myself to succumb.
  I would welcome any information.  I am NOT trying to be the center of a pity-party attention cycle (or am I...is that what I am doing...?  I do not know me anymore.  If that is really what I am doing, and you can see that and I can't...please don't feed into it...)
  I originally came to this site with a 'mentally record information' mindset, be-a-good-student, with an intellectual sort of distance between me and the material.  And, then, it kind of...snuck in...'under the radar'...so to speak.
  Now, at this time, I feel different inside...I need the knowledge to implement further changes in me, as I am on the road between where I started and where I am going, and the road is not illuminated right now.  I feel I need more details on the 'resolution phase' of this work...maybe I am blind to myself, and I have all the information I need...and it is a matter of doing it better, being more dedicated, working harder...?

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Back to the synchronicity. The "lovely" Lucifer will enter the sign of Cancer next week (April 28) and will remain there for the next three months - until July 29.

  My natal Sun is 1deg16min of Cancer, and there is alot of emphasis on Cancer in my chart, so I guess THAT's a-comin'...!

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So I'll be starting a separate thread and starting with the U.S. chart, and then bring in more individual examples. In the meantime, we can also continue here.

  I would be very interested in that thread.  I had decided to start collecting all the information on 'evil' and 'Lucifer' on this site and in the archived EA-MB and JWG's articles (I do not yet have the Phase.III Coursework, though), and was planning to edit it together for my own use as a compete overview...but then I thought that maybe once again I am overdoing what only needs doing, and I should just read it over and over...?

Well...MUCH more than I had planned to type, here.

Thank you so much again,
and May God'dess Bless Her Special Daughter in You...

Blessings,
Stephen
« Last Edit: Apr 22, 2010, 06:11 PM by stephen » Logged
adina
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« Reply #50 on: Apr 22, 2010, 09:45 AM »

Stephen, please humor me and send me your birth data. I have not kept up with the practice charts thread, and it would take too much time to try to find it. You can send me a PM (top of the page), if you'd rather do it that way.

We won't do an indepth analysis with your chart, but I'm betting a few things will pop out that will help you understand what's going on and what to do about it.
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stephen
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« Reply #51 on: Apr 22, 2010, 09:55 AM »

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Stephen, please humor me and send me your birth data. I have not kept up with the practice charts thread, and it would take too much time to try to find it. You can send me a PM (top of the page), if you'd rather do it that way.
We won't do an indepth analysis with your chart, but I'm betting a few things will pop out that will help you understand what's going on and what to do about it.

Hi Adina, I am sorry, certainly...here it is:
Birth information: Stephen; June 23, 1962; 1:20AM: Washington, DC, USA

What I meant was that there is a practice chart thread about my chart:
Chart Practice with Client Feedback: Stephen

Thank you very much for any further help...

Sorry I was unclear,
Blessings to You,
Stephen
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adina
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« Reply #52 on: Apr 22, 2010, 10:27 AM »

Thanks, Stephen. No problem. I'm a bit fuzzy myself lately.   Shocked
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mountainheather
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« Reply #53 on: Apr 22, 2010, 01:21 PM »

Hi Stephen,
Thanks for re-igniting this thread here, I was wondering where you had gone...I don't post too often, but I read  the posts everyday... i'm glad you are back.
I empathize deeply with your sharing.  I am familiar with a life of perpetual inner crisis, and, with the discovery of ea found some relief and understanding and then further exasperation of my crisis state (one step forward, two steps back for me), so, I hope I'm not contributing to the "unfulfilled needs" category by wanting to see your process worked through here... thanks for the "goddess find me here" reminder, I forgot about that for awhile, and have been saying the serenity prayer lately.


Adina, thanks for your reply to Stephen

Quote
You also mention feeling a sense of "worthlessness," which to me means "masochism," i.e., "I don't deserve. I'm not good enough., etc." I'm sure you know the drill all too well. And yes, there IS a beautiful, simple, and inexpensive method that JWG used to teach to counteract those feelings of worthlessness, of masochism. And it works quite well. We can cover that, too, if you wish.


I would love to hear more on this topic.


Heather
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stephen
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« Reply #54 on: Apr 23, 2010, 06:30 AM »

Hi Stephen,
Thanks for re-igniting this thread here, I was wondering where you had gone...I don't post too often, but I read  the posts everyday... i'm glad you are back.
I empathize deeply with your sharing.  I am familiar with a life of perpetual inner crisis, and, with the discovery of ea found some relief and understanding and then further exasperation of my crisis state (one step forward, two steps back for me), so, I hope I'm not contributing to the "unfulfilled needs" category by wanting to see your process worked through here... thanks for the "goddess find me here" reminder, I forgot about that for awhile, and have been saying the serenity prayer lately.
Heather

  Thanks Heather for the kindness.  Just posting, exposing that stuff, has had an effect on me.  I feel more resolved to stick to the path of Returning to the Source.  I keep myself away from too much, already.  I can't understand that about me...maybe I shouldn't try, in the vein of 'Get thee behind me, Satan.'  Maybe I should just note the pull to keep myself away from things, and then not succumb to it.  However, under the Jungian concept of entering the darkness of the unconscious to bring it to consciousness, and so integrate it...I follow myself down into the pit of me, when a door opens.  If anyone can teach me the flaw of following that process, I would really appreciate it.

  This morning, I read this from Steve in another post (Planets as pre-existing pattern), the bold is mine:
"...the possibility of changing the past, in the present moment (the only moment in which anything can be changed).'  That is a simple, powerful, natural thought.  Thanks Steve!
  Will 'changing the past' occur by sitting in comtemplation of it, trying to root out its vagaries and elements, or by simply changing what one does?  That second method has always lead me to a sort of knee-jerk reaction, swinging to the 180degrees point which often introduced its own problems.  THAT is actually a process that I follow that I am absolutely soul-sick of doing...but I am not sure how to proceed.

  You put that very succintly ("the discovery of ea found some relief and understanding and then further exasperation of my crisis state").  That's synchronous that you say that about steps...my wife and I were just talking yesterday about sometimes its 'one step forward, two steps back' and sometimes its 'two steps forward, one step back', which ultimately has us covering the same ground, repetitively.  Maybe that's skipped steps in a chart, applying to actual life?

  As I read your post, I thought, maybe my process should NOT be worked through here?  Maybe I should be an EA Student here, and take the EA Client aspect off-line until I have mostly resolved it...then later, briefly post the resolution steps if anyone is interested?
  As I learn this new way of viewing reIncarnation (or, as I unlearn all the previous stuff I was filled with in order to awaken this old way, natural way, natural understanding), I am altered in a core way.  I cannot see how anyone who reads these concepts is NOT altered, honestly!

  By the way, that's become my new harbor for now:  "Goddess find me here!"  So clean, so simple.  

Thanks again,

Blessings,
Stephen

« Last Edit: Apr 23, 2010, 06:32 AM by stephen » Logged
adina
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« Reply #55 on: Apr 23, 2010, 06:44 AM »

Hi Heather,

Adina, thanks for your reply to Stephen

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You also mention feeling a sense of "worthlessness," which to me means "masochism," i.e., "I don't deserve. I'm not good enough., etc." I'm sure you know the drill all too well. And yes, there IS a beautiful, simple, and inexpensive method that JWG used to teach to counteract those feelings of worthlessness, of masochism. And it works quite well. We can cover that, too, if you wish.

I would love to hear more on this topic.

Heather

I find myself more busy than usual, but I will write up that method and post it as soon as I can. I can vouch for its effectiveness personally, because I did it myself.   Smiley
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Elen
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« Reply #56 on: Apr 23, 2010, 03:16 PM »

Hi Stephen,

I haven't had time to read all the replies to your post, but I wanted to respond to your question about whether or not you are the only one on this MB who grows through crisis.  I just wanted to say that you are definitely not the only one.  Crisis has been my main source of growth, although I am hopeful that I am transitioning to a more peaceful place.

Also, about "evil", I just wanted to share that this is a matter I have been wresting with lately, to the point that I've wondered if I'm not evil itself.  What helped me was something that St. John of the Cross wrote in one of his essays (in which he is explaining the meaning of his "Dark Night of the Soul" poem).  He writes, in the context of explaining the 1st dark night of the soul (he says there are 2): "...for the soul's greatest suffering is caused by knowing her own miseries; it is at these times that the soul sees with more clarity than the light of day that she is full of evil and sin, for God himself provides this light of knowledge in the night of contemplation..."  He further writes, "When a soul in such condition finds someone who agrees that all her troubles are her own fault, then her sufferings and distress grow without bound, and she feels, then, worse than death."  From the book, St. John of the Cross: Alchemist of the Soul by Antonio T. de Nicolas, Paragon House: 1989 (pp. 159-160).  He wrote the essays because he wanted people (spiritual advisors especially) to better understand the spiritual journey and so properly recognize the meanings of the experiences that people are having on their journey so that they could better/more appropriately guide them, ie, not respond in ways that unnecessarily increase the person's sufferings.

It was helpful for me to understand that these feelings and doubts are part of the path (part of the purification process), especially, I think, 1st Spiritual.  I'm thinking 1st Spiritual = Dark Night #1.

I hope the positive, uplifting nature of this quote (as this is how I experienced it) comes through and, if you are needing it, offers you some solace.  If for some reason it does not come through, please disregard it.

Peace,
Ellen
« Last Edit: Apr 23, 2010, 03:23 PM by Ellen » Logged
stephen
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« Reply #57 on: Apr 24, 2010, 10:05 AM »

Hi Ellen,

  Reading your response made me realize that instead of staying in the crisis, and using it to grow, I am staying on the edge of the crisis, and perpetuating it by trying to lessen it or make it go away.  That realization goes in deep...  (I knew this? forgot this? but now will action this...)  It's like I was reboot lately, and the memory was cleared for a new image to upload...  Strange, a sense-of-loss and yet a sense-of-gain...

  Thanks for sharing your knowledge, and taking the time to post this information.  I too had wondered lately if I am evil myself...had I previously made a contract as stated in the 'evil?' thread?  But, in my answering of Steve's question in that 'evil?' thread, 'What do we do daily to help promote the Light?', I realized then that even if I don't make great light-filled changes around me, mostly my heart is in the right place of spreading the Light and being aware of the Darkness...and trying to lessen the effect of negativity  (but not within me, then).
  Your heart is in the right place, as evidenced by your kindnesses: by your being moved to post a comment to me...sharing your experience and insight...helping to lessen my internal negativity by helping me see it in a new 'Light'!

  I can/will stop whining about me on this message board in full view of this community...and actually do something further about it. Wink  (Exposure in a way that you can't rescind about stuff you harbor is really very growth-inducing, I am finding.  But, this forum is really not the place...yet perhaps ((justification after the fact!)) what has been written here will help those who come to this site in soul-pain, seeking some resolution!??!  (Learning the EA Paradigm deeply turns one into an EA Client, I think.)

  Last night I had another crushing negativity session starting up...and simply said 'Goddess find me here' and chanted for a few minutes...then went to play Leggos with my son instead of journaling dark and negative thoughts about myself.  THAT is a positive change.

Blessings to You and the Path You are walking,
Stephen
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adina
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« Reply #58 on: Apr 24, 2010, 12:26 PM »

Ellen and Stephen,

I'm having a kind of "off" day, so I'll be brief for now.

First, I really appreciate your thoughts and understandings about evil/Lucifer. You both add much to this message board.

Second, in relation to the thought that you, yourself (each of you) might be evil... well, you've just proven evil's existence to yourself!  That is sure one way the little bugger works, i.e., it creates the opposite reality intended. In this case, you both are consciously moving toward the light, and so Lucifer steps in and, voila! He tries to plant the exact opposite thought. (Remember, Lucifer is still in Gemini until the 28th). And with the Virgo emphasis....he also plants DOUBT! 

So BRAVO to BOTH of you for immediately kicking the crap of the little bugger and tuning in to your true nature!
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Dhyana
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« Reply #59 on: Apr 24, 2010, 01:54 PM »

I just love you guys --Ellen, Stephen, Adina --all of u -- this  just so wild to read !

..i too have been worried and contemplating the very same things, whch i thought i had long peirced the veil of -  things like, "what if i am evil" -- "what if i made a contract somewhere" --"what would stop me from "joining in" w/ evil" --and all kinds of thoughts like that---

..how blessed to come on here and find that this is not original, here with me~

This is so exemplative of VIRGO massochism and doubt, and so much the result of the patriarchal religious dogma and culture.

Let us Consciously enter our emotional wounding in a Motherly Embrace ~


GRACE ABOUNDS
dhyana
« Last Edit: Apr 24, 2010, 02:47 PM by Dhyana » Logged
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