Thanks so much for all your responses!
Thus, what has been meaningful loses its meaning, and the Soul desires, needs, new directions in order for a new sense of meaning to occur. A sense of disillusionment with certain parts of our life can precede this ‘crisis of action’ as the Soul initiates new directions in order to discover new forms that generate meaning for its life.
In addition to the potential for disillusionment, the Neptune square Neptune aspect is also one that brings confusion over one’s best choices and options. This happens when the individual loses sight of, actively outgrows, needs to let go of and/or move beyond that which has been previously cherished, that which has been unconsciously or consciously projected to hold ultimate value, meaning and purpose. During a Neptune square Neptune transit, we can be deceived by others or ourselves. The transit also exposes our own self deception, how we lie to ourselves in order to cover up our truths, how we tell ourselves what sounds like truth when it is really a cover-up for that which we know at the core.
Funny but I'm not liking the word disillusionment right now, not that it's inaccurate but that it feels "bigger" somehow than that. (CindyRenee, the other two planets are Mars and Venus, Mars is the apex of a T-Square and conjunct transiting Neptune). I have been under the influence of this transit for nearly 2 years now and all the hopes, dreams, desires, and expectations that I had (in my relationship) have completely and utterly dissolved. This has happened gradually over time and has brought a lot of grief and sadness along with it. It seems that I have developed more value, meaning, and purpose for what I want for my future, who I am, and who I want to be with, rather than being driven by unconscious desires and motivations and trying to build something on top of them. I never deceived or felt deceived, but there have been times times over the past couple of years that nothing really seems real, as if I don't even know who I am or who the other person is; that I know nothing. I'm still at the end of all this but ultimately I feel extremely humbled and grateful for what I have been through, and what I will be able to create moving forward from a place of clarity and value in who I am, and what I need.
My Mars is in the 4th house and the clarity is still way off here. The core issue is "home," and which country that is going to be in the very near future. I feel like I have been living on a cloud for years now, having no roots and not able to make future plans. The frustrating part is that the option I feel I should be headed in is totally out of my control. I so want to initiate a new direction but really am powerless in my direction of choice. I can relate to what Rose said in terms of "confusion over one's best choices and options" since I feel that having no control in one direction makes me start to convince myself that the other direction would be what I wanted. I desperately feel the need for solid ground and somewhere where I can put down roots, so sometimes I feel that wherever I end up when I finally fall through the cloud will somehow be ok.