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Jun 22, 2018, 06:23 PM
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Author Topic: Forming of love  (Read 2281 times)
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« on: Nov 18, 2009, 09:25 PM »

Hi Lesley,

(similar to my other post)

The popular concept of "codependancy" (as seen negatively) seems to be forcing uniformity, rigidity, and isolation among people who are trying to live and love with others in a way that isn't supported, whose needs aren't being met. When someone wants to live from a different basis, one of genuine love (and what appears to be freedom from the perspective of love poverty), how can that be steadily formed?  (Genuine love being full of self and others (rather than selfless or independant))

Rather than self-denial/conformity/placating, how does a person solidify a complete, foreign(?) concept with support?

How can I find a person (or several) who already know me and deeply love me as I am?

purple Seesaw
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« Reply #1 on: Nov 19, 2009, 12:06 AM »

How can I find a person (or several) who already know me and deeply love me as I am?

You start by looking directly in the mirror for as long as it takes for you to come to deeply love yourself , exactly as you are, FIRST. 

You cease to looking externally to find others to fill your holes and gaps, and you learn to fill them yourself, FIRST.  Gradually, as your entire life starts changing from doing so, the people you seek who know you and love you as you are will simply appear in your life, at the appropriate times, with no external searching required on your part at all.

So you know, you are on probation, so to speak, on this forum.  If you PARTICIPATE with others and stop making everything revolve around yourself and your needs, you are welcome here.  If you continue with the self-absorbed attitude you came with in your last visits, you will shortly no longer be allowed to post here.   THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR NEEDS, it's about learning about EA.

What I am talking about, facing your own self-absorbed attitudes, is a big piece of that look in the mirror I mentioned.  How much effort would YOU put into knowing and loving and accepting someone as they are whose entire reality revolves around them self and what they see as their unfulfilled needs?  If you are going to stay around here, you are going to have to look at yourself.  If you think what I said is nonsense and I don't understand you, you are not going to be around here very long.

This is said ON your behalf, not in anger or judgment or anything.  What I am talking about are the underlying reasons WHY you feel these deep unfulfilled places within yourself.  And you are in major denial of the part you play in creating those very conditions you wish would end.

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