Thanks for that, very helpful. A case of missing the forest for the trees - I’d noticed the core OK, but missed it’s significance because I didn’t link Mars back to the Pluto/SNode Virgo stellium (via Jupiter’s rulership of Mars), but now I can see the endless loop.
Also I haven’t been including asteroids in my EA analysis so far, but I’m taking it now that with Vesta on a close square to the Nodal axis, there are obviously some missed steps to do with Vesta issues. And because Vesta conjuncts the Sun, the Sun is also bound to have been caught up in the skipped steps to some degree. And with the Sun also squaring the Pluto/SNode conjunction and also the planets conjuncting the SNode (meaning it’s been involved in events associated with the SNode past lives) it’s therefore probably caught up in Vesta’s skipped steps quite strongly.
I’ve tried to see better why she did what she did, as it seems very relevant as it’s the underlying cause of what happened, as well as the guilt that followed.
(I've put the chart up here again (small size) for convenience as the original is back a page)This Life
I can see the significance of Sun squaring the Nodal axis now more clearly … that in itself it doesn’t mean skipped steps (it would normally mean an underlying/background urgency in this life regarding the evolutionary journey, and that it would be integrated into the conscious life purpose as a major component) … but in this situation it is
involved in skipped steps relating from past lives.
Along with this, Mercury as ruler of the SNode and Virgo stellium, is what she has previously identified in past lives as a key resource and will be central to the way of operating that is most familiar with her.
Her intentions mapped out by the NNode in Picses meet severe opposition from the past (Virgo stellium). Any efforts to move to the NNode way of operating haven’t lasted long as it’s trining back to it’s ruler Neptune and from there back into the past. She’s been stuck for a long time. With you saying she has not been able to forgive herself and that’s the solution to breaking out of the loop, I can now see why (NNode being in Pisces) … and also with it being in the 8th, merging with symbols of power may be inevitable as well.Skipped Steps
Vesta represents the flame, our inner sexual current creating an inner focus on the self – which extends to our expressed sexual energy, attitudes and issues; our commitment and sacrifice towards goals; and devotion to purifying and transforming our energy. She has avoided fully dealing with these dynamics in the past, and in doing so will have acted without regard for consequences in the public arena (10th house), or retreated into herself (SNode in 2nd house stellium) or struck up relationships with people that she had a powerful effect on or who had a powerful affect on her (NNode 8th house).
Since Vesta represents the inner sexual current, the skipped step means she hasn’t developed this in a balanced healthy way, and so will have distortions around it. Distorted Sexuality
She might have been a courtesan or prostitute of some kind in past lives (Vesta in Gemini in 10th closely conjunct the Sun in the 11th, squaring the 2nd house stellium - Pluto/SNode/Jupiter/Uranus). At other times this distortion will have manifested in her family (Vesta quincunx Neptune in Scorpio in 3rd, Neptune conjunct Mars in 4th – family environment).
• Mercury (SNode ruler) in Gemini/curiosity/siblings opposite Mars (which is ruled by Jupiter/expansion from 2nd house),
• and Vesta in Gemini squaring everything in the 2nd house and quincunxing Neptune retro in 3rd in Scorpio (conj that Mars)
• and with Neptune sextiling back to everything in the 2nd house again,
- she probably had sex with her sibling(s).
• Vesta also being conjunct the Sun (natural ruler of 5th – children) in 11th in Cancer,
• and the Sun squaring the 2nd house stellium, and also quincunxing Neptune in 3rd (conj Mars retro in 4th)
• and Mars being sextile back to Uranus in 2nd
- she probably also had sex with her children. That they were sons is because its Mars in 4th, not Venus?
And, it also looks like she had sex/was raped by her father (Mars in 4th quincunx Saturn (conj Venus) as well Mars quincunxing Sun/Vesta).Distorted Anger
Under certain conditions Mars can express as violence. The Sun in 11th squares the Moon in 1st and the 2nd house stellium, (Pluto/SNode/Jupiter/Uranus) and quincunxes Mars in 4th in Sagittarius, also Saturn in 9th quincunxes Mars too; Mars is opposite Mercury in 10th in Gemini (which rules the 2nd house stellium - preservation at all costs), and squares the Moon in 1st (independence/instinctual responses), which conjuncts the 2nd house stellium (preservation), which mostly sextiles Mars … all in all she probably had an explosive temper.
She would have had strongly entrenched beliefs (Jupiter in 2nd, Saturn/Venus in 9th in Taurus), and she would have argued with anyone who disagreed with them (Mercury square Moon). Her view of the world, of life, was a serious matter, one of survival. With Sun square Pluto she would have also felt herself to be special, and wanted to take control of her life situations in society at large (Sun in 11th) and especially with her family (Sun in Cancer square Moon and quincunx Mars in 4th) through being very manipulative and controlling in her relationships.
With Mercury in Gemini she would have been able to pick out the weaknesses in opposing arguments, and mentally dominate others. She would have got into intense and heavy disputes, and if needed may well have killed because of her need for power (Sun square Pluto), and also to retain her own sense of safety, security and consistency (2nd house), Mars retro in the 4th (family) indicates it would have been her sons she killed? Psychological Slavery
In her urge to escape from things she had done she would have created relationships with priests and other powerful or mysterious people, who she felt could give her a either a sense of salvation or experience with a taboo, or they would have some power (Neptune in 3rd in Scorpio ruling and trining NNode in 8th in Picses) – she would have considered anything that would have been an escape from herself and given her security (Mercury in Gemini, Mars in Sag / Venus in Taurus, 2nd house Virgo stellium). She would have been very gullible, and placed a lot of faith in whatever these people chose to tell her (NNode in Picses, Neptune in 3rd conj Mars in Sag). With Neptune (conj Mars) ruling and trining NNode in Picses she consequently may have been exploited, for example entrapped as a sexual slave, and she may also been hysterical or paranoid (Neptune retro).
She may have ended up totally confused, disorientated, and with a growing sense of defeat. This would lead her to break away from these situations, violently if needed (Chiron in 8th in Aries opposite Uranus). Chiron is also squaring the Sun/Vesta skipped steps, as well as sextiling Mercury (ruler of Virgo stellium), and sesquiquadrate Neptune in Scorpio in 3rd. She has suffered some major wounds of these 8th house experiences each time she got involved with them. This would throw her back to herself (2nd house) with increasing force (8th house). When eventually she couldn’t contain her withdrawal any longer she would start over again …. and create some sexual drama. Projections, Guilt & TraumaDisplaced Emotions
Many of her problems would have been exasperated by the displaced emotions stemming from the 4th house retro Mars. She was probably abused as a child in life after life, and her levels of insecurity, paranoia would have been very high, which would have led to her projecting these emotions onto everyone she was involved with, including her own children. Eventually her whole situation would have led to psychological fracturing, possibly mental illness. This would have a been a source of judgement and ridicule from the public.Learned Guilt
She would have had judgements projected on by society for her own sexual behaviour, even though it never really harmed anyone. She was probably despised by many people. She would have been ashamed of having sex with her child, especially if that became public knowledge. And if she had been forced into a position of sexual slavery she would have felt deep humiliation. She also would have felt deep guilt that she was a failure, a person who wanted much but who actually had very little of real value.Natural Guilt
Murdering her sons would have plunged her progressively into a deep guilt, she would have known that was against herself in a way, that she projected her own desires for control and power, and frustration onto them, even when they fought back (Mars quincunx Sun), and their deaths were unjust.
So this is what I’ve managed to come up with, but I’m not sure if I’ve got closer to knowing why she killed her sons, and had sex with her son? And also the different guilt she has accumulated… which I do think is important to understand, as that’s what the forgiveness is for. Have I got more down into the essence of it?
Thankyou very much Rad,