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Author Topic: Retrograde Planets and Stages of Evolution  (Read 9138 times)
Stacie
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« Reply #15 on: Apr 10, 2009, 02:05 PM »

whoops, i didn't see these recent responses before posting, so sorry for repeating what's already been said.  this was a valuable exercise nonetheless!  Smiley
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Deva
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« Reply #16 on: Apr 11, 2009, 09:18 AM »

This is a great discussion. Thanks to everybody who has participated. Stacie, I really appriciate your insight. I wanted to add something about resistance in the context of the two antithetical desires within the Soul because we seem to have questions/insights into this matter. When the Soul has reached a limit evolutionary speaking, and inwardly feels that growth is needed yet that need is meet is fear and insecurity is can create a lot of trouble and pain because the evolutionary pressure to transform becomes overwhelming. The common probelm is that is limit, or the cause of the stagnation, is not consciously known by the Soul. in other words, the Soul is only aware of the probelm, and the overwhelimg feeling of not getting anywhere. This is extactly where the birth chart is so helpful. The overwheling desire to change and grow commonly has to reach a very intense point in order to induce the neccessary changes because of the high degree that emotional security is linked with the past ways of being/ with the past in general (i.e the need to be self-consistant). It is like an inner death, and the re-birth cannot be felt or integrated untill the death happens. This internal conflict reflects the dual desires within the Soul (one to return and one to seperate).  I like what you said, Stacie, about becoming stronger in the process of growing/changing, and embracing the insecurity and fear that comes up in order to move past it. We can break through patterns of resistance by understanding the process in this light, and help others do the same.  Anyway, hope this is not too digressive from the theme of retrogrades, but I felt that resisatnce is an important dynamic to discuss!
Deva
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Stacie
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« Reply #17 on: Apr 13, 2009, 08:55 PM »

Thanks for taking the time to add these thoughts Deva...just the right words.  I'm 2 dendrites richer!  Cool
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stephen
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« Reply #18 on: Jul 08, 2009, 05:16 AM »

In response to "I think it's important that we don't conflate the retrograde archetype with the Pluto Archetype", I quote from an old lecture Jeffrey gave on the phenomena of retrograde.  This is from the section on Pluto retrograde

Quote
Dissatisfaction is a Plutonian experience.  Dissatisfaction facilitates evolutionary need.  Retrograde emphasizes the sense of dis¬satisfaction, which then facilitates the evolutionary needs.  When a person says, "There is something else possible".  No matter what evolutionary level is.


This next quote comes from the introduction to the whole lecture, referring to retrograde itself - all planets - the phenomena itself:

Quote
Retrograde function is non-static, never rests, is in a perpetual, cyclical state of growing, is always dissatisfied.


Steve,

  Would it be possible for you to post the old lecture Jeffrey gave on the phenomena of retrograde planets?

  I personally would really like to read/listen/view (?text/audio/video?) that lecture in its entirety, a feeling probably shared by all of the students coming to this site.

  If you are able to post that lecture, I thank you very very much!!

Blessings,
Stephen
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Steve
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« Reply #19 on: Jul 08, 2009, 10:30 AM »

Hi Stephen

The retrograde lecture is one that Jeffrey used to sell.  I'll first have to discuss with Deva whether its going to be offered for free or is something that will be sold.  (There are a number of class/workshop transcripts that used to be for sale.  I know its been discussed that they will again be offered for sale at some point.)
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chuck h
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« Reply #20 on: Jul 08, 2009, 11:47 PM »

What Steve said about the brain wanting, knowing what should be done to move forward, while hanging on to the past prevents it, hit a chord.  Every planet except Venus and Mars...plus Chiron is retrograde in my chart, which makes seven.  Even when I 'think' I am doing the right thing, it usually turns out 'wrong'.    Most of my choices seem to lead me away from Source, tho with all my heart I wish to go forward.  So maybe it's not simply that I an weak?   Is there any way out of the 'corner'?  Letting go of the need to try?

Thanks,
chuck
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stephen
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« Reply #21 on: Jul 09, 2009, 07:01 AM »

Hi Stephen
The retrograde lecture is one that Jeffrey used to sell.  I'll first have to discuss with Deva whether its going to be offered for free or is something that will be sold.  (There are a number of class/workshop transcripts that used to be for sale.  I know its been discussed that they will again be offered for sale at some point.)

Hi Steve,

  Thanks for looking into that.  I noticed, in the beginning of JWG's 'Uranus' book, a listing of lectures/transcripts/audio/video, which of course I am interesting in reading/viewing/purchasing.  On the old message board, JWG mentions his own website (no longer active) and what was for sale on that site...lectures, videos and transcripts.  There are probably many students like me who will wish to read/view/listen to everything JWG ever produced, on our way to becoming functioning EA Counselers (and, for years afterward, as we fine-tune our skills/intuition through actual practice!  Subtlties are always uncovered upon multiple readings of diverse sources, in my opinion).

  Similar to the work of CG Jung, wherein the 'Collected Works of Jung' has long been published in multiple inclusive volumes, I was thinking the other day that every separate work created/produced by JWG should be archived, indexed and published, for easier access by those interested in the EA Paradigm.  The 'Collective Works of JWG' could have a Printed Section, an Audio Section, and a Video Section.  Additonally, the work that is now only audio could also have a transcript within the Printed Section of the Collected Works, and the work that is now only video could also have its audio additionally within the Audio Section of the Collected Works as well as a transcript within the Printed Section of the Collected Works.  (This type of coallation/indexing/transcribing usually comes down to adequate funding and sufficient dedication, of course! Wink )  Perhaps one day, a call could go out to all EA Practitioners concerning this, and those who have unique JWG information could then provide that information to help build the Collected Works Edition.  (Yes, I DO think too too much!! Grin )

  So..for my part, thanks very much for moving towards providing that information for purchase/download/review by the EA Community!!

  By the way, are the EA Conferences videotaped and archived for possible future release (for those who can't attend...even as a review for those who can)?  Will this 5th Annual Conference be recorded (audio or video) and eventually be provided for sale?  I am certain that if a professional (or not?) camera-operator was rented for the Conference, the sales on that conference would more than provide an adequate return on that particular investment...

Thanks alot Steve,
Blessings of God'dess,
Stephen
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stephen
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« Reply #22 on: Jul 09, 2009, 07:28 AM »

What Steve said about the brain wanting, knowing what should be done to move forward, while hanging on to the past prevents it, hit a chord.  Every planet except Venus and Mars...plus Chiron is retrograde in my chart, which makes seven.  Even when I 'think' I am doing the right thing, it usually turns out 'wrong'.    Most of my choices seem to lead me away from Source, tho with all my heart I wish to go forward.  So maybe it's not simply that I an weak?   Is there any way out of the 'corner'?  Letting go of the need to try?
Thanks,
chuck

Chuck,

  I read this in Deva Green's EA book:
'Retrograde as an archetype or function within consciousness symbolizes that an acceleration of evolution must now occur.' pp.32

  Additionally, I remember reading (possibly also in her book), that having multiple retrograde planets within the chart is, in JWG's opinion, a signature of a Soul who had desired to attempt alot of Soul Evolution in this Incarnation, but that it would also have a corresponding resistance to that same evolutionary drive.  I believe the quote he used was that a person was then 'painting themselves into a corner'  Which, is exactly what you are stating!  (I will find and post the quote here when I am back near the books.)

  No, I don't recall if a resolution was presented for this dilemma, but if I come across it, I will let you know (I am as yet just a bookfed-EA-student-in-Training, with as yet no practical counseling history to draw upon).  I like you am curious to see what the 'old-timers' of this site have to say!

  However, this reminds me of something which I once read concerning calling upon Durga (an Incarnation of the Goddess Kali who is interested in spiritual advancement).  You should only call upon Durga when you REALLY are ready to move forward at all costs!...because She will answer your prayers, but most likely NOT in the way that you expect!  If you request to have more time for spiritual pursuits (awaken a spiritual fire in your Soul, so to speak), you might suddenly find yourself fired at work, and drive home to a blazing housefire!!  Now, you don't have a job or possessions to interfere with your spiritual pursuits (but, something as drastic as that might not have been your intention).  So, a drastic...and yet measured...response.

Take Care (keep on movin' on...),
and Blessings,
Stephen
« Last Edit: Jul 09, 2009, 06:26 PM by stephen » Logged
chuck h
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« Reply #23 on: Jul 09, 2009, 01:05 PM »

Hi Stephen!

Thank you so much for taking time to answer, and for the good information.  Yes, if you could give me the titles and Author/ess of those books so I can order, it would be great.


I'm thankful you added the paragraph about Durga.  Wow, this would really take courage, and make a person think very hard about just how much he/she wants to advance.  No half-way commitments here.  I will look on the net to find a suitable picture so I can visualize who I'm approaching.  This is exactly the information I needed.

So thank you again, Stephen
Blessings to you on your path,
chuck.
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Linda
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« Reply #24 on: Jul 09, 2009, 04:23 PM »

Hello Moderators and Everyone:

Quote Deva:   "Retrograde as an archetype or function within consciousness symbolizes that an acceleration of evolution must now occur."

It seems a contradiction that on the one hand, the retrograde planet symbolizes an acceleration of evolution, and yet on the other hand, there is a corresponding resistance to that evolution.  

So how would this play out with my Retrograde Pluto in Leo (and Chuck's Rx Pluto in Leo)?

With Pluto symbolizing the evolution of the Soul, and retrogradation symbolizing an acceleration, yet resistance, of the soul purpose, does this mean that Chuck and I would be given opportunities to evolve in this lifetime, yet we would hold ourselves back because we wish to do things "in our own way", because we refuse to be pigeonholed?

How would this play out, specifically, using Pluto in Leo Rx as an example?  So, let's say I have a strong desire to express a special creative purpose in life - and the example I will use is "to write a book".  So this desire to express myself through writing a book is greatly accelerated - yet I resist writing the book.  Why would I resist?  How would I resist?  Some clear examples would greatly help me understand this dichotomy.  

Is it because I refuse to learn the Pluto in Leo lessons?  Does the resistance mean that I block myself from achieving this purpose by refusing to cooperate with others?  That others block me?  That the status quo does not support me?  Because I am too dominating or too self-centred?  Because I am unique and different?  What would be the patterns of resistance using the above example?

And since I am unique, different from, or not acceptable to the (stagnating, my perception) status quo, that this makes me try even harder, to push my individuality through, and this very struggle induces evolution to take place?  Is that how it works?  So not only do I evolve cataclysmically, but my retrogradation serves a higher purpose:  as the rebel, I can transform others, the greater whole.

I believe I am evolving at a very accelerated pace, especially in the last year (and Chuck too)...and perhaps this is due to the energies of the retrogradation being held back previously for so long and shored up...and now they are being released for creative/group purposes.

Hope this makes sense.

This discussion is very helpful - and I believe we are all making lots of progress learning the fundamentals of EA through this forum which greatly reduces confusion.  

My heartfelt appreciation!
Linda
« Last Edit: Jul 09, 2009, 05:27 PM by Linda » Logged
Steve
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« Reply #25 on: Jul 09, 2009, 06:11 PM »

Hi

Jeffrey's teaching was that those with 4 or more retrograde planets are a retrograde-type personality.  Retrograde is the archetype of redo - review - renew.  Normally the energies of a planet are focused outward.  When retrograde, they are focused inward, back at the person, the gaze being inward.   This creates an introspective nature (not necessarily introverted, but introspective).

Pluto correlates with resistance.  When there are 4 or more retro planets, this demonstrates there has been a lot of resistance within that soul in the past towards fulfilling the evolutionary intentions.  The soul sometimes then comes in with a chart with a number of retro planets, as these force or accelerate the evolutionary intentions - the circumstances will appear in the life that will force that soul forward. 

The resistance to the forward movement will also still be present, thus there can be a real struggle within the Soul between its desire to evolve and its tendency to resist the evolutionary intentions.  This can result in the feeling of painting self into a corner where there is no way out other than to do what is intended.

Chuck, the more retrograde planets in the chart, the more resistance has occurred in the past.  Seven retro at times would not be a lot of fun as the two opposing forces to evolve and resistance to evolving would have quite a tug of war at times.   The intention is to bust the pattern of resistance open for once and for all, to release the log jam.  If the person finally "gets it" and starts cooperating with the evolutionary intentions, as a result of this pressure/intensity, the progress can be rapid.  If they continue with resistance as the primary response, the life may not be a lot of fun.

The retro function adds a uranian flavor to the planetary function - it is going to do what it does in its own unique way and not be so concerned with what others think about it. 
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chuck h
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« Reply #26 on: Jul 09, 2009, 09:50 PM »

Steve,

Linda and I share the same desire for understanding and spiritual growth.  The EA paradigm offers much illumination, and we want to grasp its full message.  But as newcomers, reading the more advanced exchanges of ideas leaves us wondering if we will ever gain the toehold necessary to advance.  I guess we are looking for a bridge between elementary school and college.  We keep missing the concreteness, the foundation (both of us Capricorn).  If the terms, and association of terms, were occasionally tied to their basic root concepts, maybe the connections would become more accessible.  If two plus two still equals 4 in the EA universe, we need to know, first, what one plus one equals (does that make sense?).

You are all sincere, caring people.  You have extended hands of friendship and help to us and I don't mean disrespect by this.  Maybe the intent of this forum is to exchange more advanced principles, but I have read where you welcome beginners, so I'm only asking that you lead us slowly, gently like babes eager to take our first steps on our own. 

What is this resistance?  Where does it come from, what is its purpose, and how do we get past it for accelerated soul evolution?  Do you mean becoming monk-like and letting go of all worldly thoughts, desires and possessions?  Is their a point where simply loving in every moment will open the gate?  I understand that resistance is needed for growth, but how do we recognize when the resistance is ready to let up?  Are there keys to unlock this mystery? There are rushes of pure joy and exhilaration at times.  Other times, self doubt...questioning everything.  How does one stop the doubt cycle?  Meditation?  I fall asleep.

My soul knows my heart is open.  If it wants to proceed, why doesn't it?  Is it a matter of karma to be worked off?  Once a heart is opened consciously, desiring to open others without thought for reward, what more can be done?

What are we missing?  What is the key?  Maybe, as Linda writes, some examples might help.  I will throw out some of my own aspects.  Maybe someone will notice something.  You spoke of Uranian influence...Uranus exactly conjuncts Mars in 7th.  sextiles within one-two degrees Pluto exactly conjunct NN in 9th, trines within one degree Neptune in 11th, inconjuncts Scorpio Moon in 12th within 2 degrees, inconjuncts Mercury within 3 degrees in 2nd, and trines Sun/SN wide, out-of sign conjunction (8 degrees) in 3rd.

It seems like with all those retrogrades, inconjuncts and Uranian contacts (and Pluto contacts)  that the answer can't be that I'm simply 'not ready' yet...especially with most of my life already lived,

Many here were so kindly helpful about my confusion over Pluto's polarity point as it conjuncts NN..And maybe I'm asking too much here, and not giving enough back, but it's hard to contribute until I understand.

Will someone let me know the best, simplest, foundational text available for the EA paradigm?  Need to start from scratch.

 

Steve, Linda and all, as always, the very best to you,
chuck


 



« Last Edit: Jul 09, 2009, 11:00 PM by chuck h » Logged
Steve
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« Reply #27 on: Jul 10, 2009, 12:43 AM »

Chuck

Have you looked at the Essence of EA material on the school website?  Start there.  And if you have, after you read what I write here, I suggest you read it again.

The underlying root of everything is the dual desire nature contained within all Souls, as created by God/dess.   The one desire, to separate and know self as distinct and unique from all else, the other, to merge back from whence we came.   The root of resistance is all of the desires to separate that we all have within us.  The parts of self that want to separate are in a struggle of sorts with the parts that just want to merge back.  Because they don't want to surrender, give up their sense of individuality. And in essence, they are not supposed to - we have those desires for a reason - they are supposed to be there.  

But there are forces in life that are deeper than our individual wills and desires, and at times they back us into the corner - these are the workings of the Soul - "you will now change, ready or not, like it or not".  Pluto brings this in by simply removing the parts of the life that are holding us back.  Most of us do not experience this as pleasant, fun, or desired.  Until we learn, gradually, that like a bad tasting medicine that is actually good for us, its in our best interest to allow these changes to do their work.  That is, to let go when we know its time to let go.  

Until then there is no reason at all to let go.  Why should I?  Unless I see proof (Pluto) of the NEED to let go, what is the point?  Just because some spiritual books said that is what I'm supposed to do?   That is intellectual knowledge.  Intellectual knowledge does not move us - emotion, passion moves us.  When I feel backed into the corner, that is an emotion.  When I start seeing a way out of that corner, I will have an emotional reaction to that, and that emotion inspires me to take action, to a new way as a resolution to the long standing conditions.  

Until that point I am going to keep repeating the same old m.o.  And why?  Because another important principle that guides all humans is the equating of safety and security with what is KNOWN - because what is known makes me feel safe and secure. Even if it is dysfunctional - it is MY dysfunction - I know it well.  

The scariest thing in the world for most humans is NOT KNOWING - that feeling of not being in control, of not knowing what is going to happen, of being subject to events or inner states which I can not be in charge of.  And THAT is the root of resistance.  To boil it all down to the bottom line, I'm afraid I may DIE in the process.  And since the first order of business for all living things is to remain living - to survive - (followed by, to reproduce, so my species stays alive) - I have a natural aversion to that which causes me to feel I could possibly die.  This is a built-in biological instinct - all of what I just wrote relates to Taurus - the will to survive, to reproduce.

The polarity of Taurus is Scorpio - the Soul.  So the question becomes, WHO is surviving?  Who is in charge?   "me" (the person)?  the Soul?  

The spiritual path is the gradual transference of the center of gravity within each individual consciousness from complete identification with the name, body, gender, family, religion, culture as the sense of Who I Am, to increasing identification with the Soul as Who I Am.   That is the long path home.

From the perspective of the personality, letting go into the Soul feels like death, because the Soul is outside the boundaries of what most of us consciously identify with as Who I Am.  Most of us almost entirely self-identify as Ego/personality - body and name.  I was born in 19xx and I am going to die somewhere along the line.   The Soul was never born and never dies.  How many of us know that as EMOTIONAL reality - our moment to moment sense of Who I Am.  From that perspective I am not the ego at all - I am the Soul.  Yet emotionally I operate as if I am the ego.  The idea of letting go into identification with the Soul seems frightening, unknown, because it speaks to the death of the whole way I presently see myself - that fear of dying being a core part of the resistance.  

Yes or no - we passionately want this or that with all heart and mind - and we "create our own reality" and make it happen.  So exactly how long does it take before we start feeling that the reality we created is not at all like we thought it was going to be, and worse, is not really a reality I want?  And how long before I am bored or overwhelmed and now want some OTHER reality?

And then what happens?  We are off yearning for the NEXT thing that we feel is going to fill all our holes, solve all our problems, and give us that inner peace we yearn for.  And the same thing happens.  Again, and again, and again, and again.   Yes or no?  This is the essence of the human condition.

All this stuff about evolutionary stages marks the archetypes within that process as the Soul discovers again and again that what it sought does not bring it what it wants.  We don't think of it as the Soul is what is seeking all this stuff.  But YOU are but an emanation of your Soul, placed here in a reality where you can have physical sorts of experiences that can't be had in the astral realms, which has a lot to do with why people keep coming back here in the first place.  We are addicted, attached, to various kinds of experiences, patterns, habits - we KNOW they are not good for us, they are not making us happy, and yet we find we crave them ANYWAY.  That is sort of the definition of insane, yes?  And yet we all do it.  

Gradually slowly painfully the Soul starts seeing the truth of all this.  Everything it thinks it wants, what it goes after, proves in the end to be without meaning.  This in effect throws that Soul, and the personality created by that Soul, back on itself, to ponder, what the hell is going on here, why can't I find peace, and how do I get out of this?  And that state of questioning precedes the beginning of the transference into the spiritual stages.  At first there is emptiness - Virgo - because the Soul has learned that all that it thought meant something, does not mean much - Virgo - emptiness, lack - and it doesn't yet know what DOES mean something or how to reach / connect with it. (polarity of Virgo is Pisces - Source).

This is not the funnest process anyone's ever had.  So Souls can spend hundreds, thousands of years, doing all they can to avoid entering that difficult process of facing self, by continuing to create realities that really don't work, while convincing themselves they do work, for as long as they can.  To avoid the pain and the aloneness and emptiness of beginning to honestly face self.  Most of us who find ourself entering that process of facing self go there (as I have humorously labeled it) on the kicking and screaming plan.  We find the lives we have known collapse (so often stressful Pluto aspects are occurring to bring this on) - we can no longer live as we have been because the reality that allowed us to live that way simply disappears.  Someone dies.  A job suddenly ends.  A mortgage is foreclosed.    A partner leaves.  Whatever.   Or, I finally realize I can no longer go on living as I have been living, and after 200 aborted attempts to change my life circumstances I finally change them - quit the job, leave the marriage, whatever.  And then something new starts to take over.

A new life, or at least a new chapter in a life, begins.  This potentially breaks us free from the habitual past.  These are generally difficult and stressful times. Everything is in flux, very little is certain.  Few of us are trained how to live through such times.  Most of us are taught to hold onto what we have until the bitter end.  So we have to learn a whole other way to relate to life - to flow.   And that will prove to be exactly what the life lessons are trying to teach us - to let go and follow the intentions of the Soul - to learn what they are, and to loosen the grip the parts of self that need to control and stay put in order to feel secure, have over us.  To learn to trust in life, not because Eckhard Tolle or Deepak Chopra taught me that this is the goal of spiritual living, but because I discover from within my own life experience its the only way that makes any sanity out of all the changes that are going on within me and around me.  

All of that is the underlying philosophy and orientation of Evolutionary Astrology.  EA is not a bunch of cool information to memorize in the brain.  It is a way of living that can transform a life.  This way of life happens to use the symbolic language of astrology as symbols to describe the natural archetypes of life. It could just as easily use Tarot or I Ching or Runes or any other system based on natural law - that which simply IS - to describe the same processes.  

Its important to understand, this is a way of looking at life, a way of living life, not just a deeper way of interpreting a natal chart.  When you let it loose within you, when you osmose it (Pluto) within yourself, it transforms you from the inside out, step by step.  It teaches you what it is, with the teacher being within you. not external  All the student need do is have the sincere desire to understand, and be willing to pay attention, 24/7/365.  

In terms of what to read, have you read Deva's new book?   Do you have Pluto Vol 1?  Pluto Vol 2?

If you have already read Pluto Vol 1, read Deva's book, which helps integrate those principles, stating them in different yet similar ways.  If you've read them both, then read Pluto Vol 1 again - everything I said here is described in its essence in Pluto Vol 1.   Read it again, from the frame I've expressed here.

If you are serious about studying EA consider enrolling in the school - either buy the first set of DVD's at $333, or the whole thing at $999.   If you can't afford that or are not sure if you want to get into it that deeply, within a couple of weeks we should have Jeffrey's old workshop DVD's available on the website.  One of them is called Pluto: The Evolutionary Journey of the Soul.   That came out at the time the first Pluto book was a best seller - he discusses the core Pluto principles in more depth - its 90 or 120 mins long - will cost $20 or $25.  You can listen to it again and again and again, to let the principles sink in.  This stuff rewires your brain.  It removes scales that have been covering the eyes that one doesn't even realize HAVE been covering the eyes.

Its also important to say when I make statements like that, that I am not talking about Jeffrey himself, or the teachings of EA - these teachings did not originate in EA.  These are the timeless truths of all time, as taught by Yogananda and the gurus who came before him, the original teachings of Jesus, Buddha, and everyone else who has ever practiced the simple unadorned truths, simply because they were true, with no ulterior motive of profit, ego, fame, control , etc etc etc.  Just because it is what is.  

Mainly what EA is, is these timeless truths being applied to astrology, so that the birth chart can be used to measure the evolutionary progress of any Soul, to speak to that Soul - to remind it how it got where it now is, why it feels stuck in the places it feels stuck, and what it needs to do to release the stuckness and get moving.  

Everything else we talk about here is details.  That is essence.

I hope you found this helpful.  If I didn't address some of your questions/points, please feel free to ask more, of me or of anyone on this board, should someone else's approach resonate more with you than mine does.  All the EA practitioners who participate here are basically aligned with the same principles I've expressed in this post - at least 80 - 90% agreement with what I said.  The main reason we participate here is from a desire to help people understand what EA really is, and to help them integrate these understandings into their personal lives, and into the readings they offer clients if they are professional astrologers.  

The essence of Pluto, of this work, will change you, if you open to it and let it do its work.  The point of that work IS to remove the blocks and resistances you mentioned - that is what it is for.
Steve
« Last Edit: Jul 10, 2009, 01:12 AM by Steve » Logged

chuck h
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« Reply #28 on: Jul 10, 2009, 07:23 AM »

Steve,

I am off to work now, so haven't much time.  Just want to say thank you.  You have taken my comments exactly as they were intended, and addressed them beautifully, CLEARLY, and compassionately.  I also enjoyed the little bits of humor.

I now understand in way that I haven't before.  Now there is something to build upon.  This writing of yours DID resonate with me.  I am trying to contain my emotional response a bit, because your post demonstrates that which I seek...love shared one with another, untainted by resentment, ego or condescension...all with the simple intention of lifting the other.

with eternal gratitude,
chuck
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stephen
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« Reply #29 on: Jul 10, 2009, 09:42 AM »

[WARNING: No EA Delineations below.  Just words from a Heart.]


Chuck,

  I feel reading your posts that I know exactly where you are coming from.

  One of the reasons that I was writing details into the thread concerning my chart was so that others coming to this site could watch the change within me unfold, and how I tried to work on that change, and navigate the obstacles (which I now know that I place in my own way).  But, it was seeming to turn into a blog, and I became uncertain if I should continue posting my inner work, so I stopped (and even deleted several posts as being too 'blog-like.')  For me, the question still remains, is this site only for students to learn EA?...or is it additionally a record of the changes within those who are using the concepts upon which the EA Paradigm is based to change themselves?  I lean towards the former, probably because one of my deepest issues is worthlessness, and the polarity of that is to go overboard trying not to 'burden' others with myself.

  However, one of the last things that I posted, and something which has now been verified for me by reading Yogananda's Autobiography, was the concept of 'giving myself up to the Great Mother.'  I don't know if that image resonates with you, but for me She is the Origin, and thus the Source to which I (long to and) will return, and so in that sense She is also the End.  I called Her to me, (and called and called), and She came, and She came awakening the memory of having come many times in my life, but each time She left, She took with Her the memory of Her coming (or, it was I who lost it).  Except for this Last Time!!!  She left me with the memory of Her Presence, because I asked Her to!!  I asked Her for Her help, 'Please let me know the way out of this pain I now daily feel!'  I cried to Her (figuratively and literally), for I had truly scared myself (just recently) by wanting TO ABSOLUTELY DESTROY MY SOUL.  I was sincere in that intention, and only did not follow through because of the pain that I knew it would cause my wife and three children.  So..I had decided to postpone my Soul-death until this Incarnation ended.  Often, I know, we read the words/posts/feelings of others, and then we move on to the next available thing waiting for us.  But, I am now trying to slow things down, to stop the movement past this post to the next, to really interject some of myself into this post, and slide through/past the barrier of words, and say: I WAS GOING TO DEMAND THAT MY SOUL BE SHREDDED...UNTIL IT WAS SHREDDED!!!! once this current Incarnation was passed.


  As Steve said in a post above this, 'The root of resistance is that the person is afraid that they may die.'  I have no such fear, none!  I was often in such soul-pain, pain that goes unrecorded except in my personal journals (dark scribbles in the endless midnight to dawn space of black time) and in my heart (like molten iron poured down my throat into my chest cavity, rigid yet never cooling).  I knew how to die, but could not figure out how to live!!  I am trying to honestly reach out to you with this post, in a shared understanding, and if you personally knew me, you would know that I am not making this up for pity or inflation or to impress others or whatever.  I simply seek to touch you, heart to heart, to show you the way out which I have found, which I am now walking...and is now working for me!  I don't know if it can work for you, or any one but me, yet still I post this in case it can help anyone in any small way.  (And the Mother asked me to.)

  The path upon which my feet now lead me is through Her, to Her.  I called and called, and She came wrapped in the vastness of Her Love for me, for all of us.  That simple fact should be shouted, for I know myself to be so small and insignificant:  I called...AND SHE CAME FOR ME!!!  And, I know (as I write this I feel Her still, and it is Her who lets me know this), if ANYONE CALLS, SHE WILL COME!!  When She came to me, for me, I held myself away from Her in my pain, in my complete shame at having wanted to shred my very Soul, in my desire to stay in my pain.  I am crying as I write this:  SHE CAME, AND LOVES ME STILL!!  I learned then it is my desire which holds me away from Her, away from the Source, away from the Peace and Love THAT IS MY RIGHT AS A SOUL BORN OF HER!!  Yes, the EA Paradigm teaches us that desire is the determinant of evolution of the Soul.  I am seeking to share here how an understanding of that desire came to be rooted within my heart, and then (and only then!) a true understanding of this aspect of the paradigm arose from my Heart to my Head.  Steve has stated in the post above this post that one must come to live this paradigm.  This is how it is happening for me, and I want to share this with you, for through the words you wrote, through the space that separates us, through the time that separates what you wrote with when I read it...I feel your pain, the pain of Soul confused, and striving to find the way (out).

  When She came, I was overwhelmed, and suddenly She let me see that She is the origin and the destination.  I asked for help...and She let me see.  I asked if I could give myself...my energies, my heart, my body, my love, my direction, my understandings, my thoughts, my feelings, my very essence...to Her, and SHE ACCEPTED ME!  I gave myself up to Her, and asked Her to use me as Her tool.  I am of course still absolutely responsible for each and every one of my own actions, but I have placed those actions at Her feet.  There is nothing that is not Her.  At the end of each day since then, I sit on the floor, and place my hands over my Heart, and ask for the gift of Reiki to flow through me (and to me), and when I feel still and calm and heavy, and my breathe works of itself in the stillness of me, then I call for Her to come, to come and to remind my little Heart (and smaller mind) of the vastness of Her, of the infinity of Her Love, and Her caring for me and all of us.  AND SHE COMES...STILL!

  Now, I rest in the knowledge of Her, and allow what I do to be driven by Her.  I ask Her daily in many small ways what it is that I should do, and She answers me.  I am sincere in my honesty, and She knows all my 'wrinkles.'  I ask Her for the big picture, what is it what She needs from my Life, and She answers me.  I know the feeling when it is truly Her answering me, for none other can bring that feeling to me...endlessly vast, yet a pinpoint of light above and in front of me and also deep within the core of my heart; a thrumming in my entire chest and a warmth of simple caring for the gift of each instant; a timeless space between each heavy yet effortless breath...  Then I know...it is She.  She has not disrupted my life, although She could and I have given Her the right to do so.  She has pointed out the purpose in what I currently do, and how even that currently aligns with Her Purpose.  (She is taking it easy on me, I think...!)

  I still work on the reality of me, trying to purge my body of toxins and parasites, trying to cleanse my heart of anger and selfishness, trying to polish my mind of ego desires and self-imposed limitations...  I have placed all of my other personal projects on hold (the ones which glorify me and my ego, and not Her and Her Purpose), and I study EA (and those around me), and I am learning to hold myself in a bubble of love (as She taught me by example) and so hold others in Love as well.  I work on my skipped steps of righteous anger, ego superiority and self-deluding illusions, and I try to be gentle with me (for that is something that I have never done).

  So...take yourself away for a weekend if your house will not support your peace, and call to Her until She comes!  She will come...  Ask Her for what you need.  She will help you to reach it...


  Perhaps I got a little carried away here, and if so, I seek the apologies of all who subjected themselves to this post.  But, you decided to read it (and I did post a warning).


Blessings and all the Love of the Mother,
Stephen

(I have to go blow my nose...and wipe my eyes. Wink ))
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