Hi to All!
I'm observing this forum for a while and I learn a lot from the discussions here.
I decided to register the forum and try to 'give my two cents' to the discussions and personal growing through Astrology.
I'm new to EA and I still learn about the concrete terminology, but I think I'm starting to grasp the fundamental points and keywords.
This is my birth chart (my soul's ID?!)
On what I'm working currently is the Scorpio traits of my 'Unholy Trinity"?! (Pluto, Mars, Saturn)
As you can see I have Pluto/Mars Square Sun in 7th.
The Angles are full with power and I have fixed Square between my 4th and 7th angle.
You can imagine how powerful are the forces I want to transform in my personality by looking at this chart.
I'm doing fine, but again, with Scorpio one can never now what else will arise?!
Recently I had Pluto transit Sextile my natal Mars. I fell in love with a girl and become obsessed.
Pluto (and Saturn who's currently on IC at my Moon - ruler of the chart) thought me a lesson on making my will stronger not by rigidness but by making it more flexible. Flexible is something of which i didn't know in my life till this lesson happen. I was very rigid in my life (Scorpio-Aq - Fixed signs).
Firstly, I want to mention for those who will look at my chart that after some time of re-experiencing my Saturn I realize that my Saturn, even though it is shown as it is in 4th house in this house system, I count him as a 5th house Saturn (it is a 3 degrees away from 5th).
The experience shows me that my biggest lesson is in the field of Romances/Creativity.
With Pluto and Scorpio ruling my 5th house you can imagine what kind of lessons I encounter in this life.
I will be very honest about my Scorpio traits just because, firstly, I want to know all the Why's of my life, and secondly, because I'm honest and direct by nature. (After all I'm Aquarius by sun and not Scorpio)
Ok here are my issues.
- I never have been with the Girl I like in my life. Why? Because whenever I like a girl I become Obsessed (rigid) with her in a way that she very soon starts to feel the intensity of my strong feelings toward her and she become 'threatened'?! in a way, so she starts to cool off.
This becomes a reason for frustration and anger in me (not toward her, but toward the Destiny: "why, oh why me?! What I have done to you"?!). This kind of inner dynamics.
I observed that in that Obsession I can't Go with the Flow and I rigidly want to 'fix the things straight up'.
When I loose my last chance for that I isolate in my home and start to work on my self to transform all this as I did this last time and this brought me to this forum searching for answers here, there and everywhere (insight and outside).
So, what are like those Intense Strong Feelings?
I found out that they are neediness to tie emotionally to some other person who is beautiful and sweet (I think that I deserve that because I count my self as that kind).
There are mixed feelings.
Another feeling is the Fear of Being Unwanted (Saturn in Scorpio). In that Fear I long to prove her that I'm worth of being Wanted.
Yet another feeling is: Fear of not being able to fulfill my sexual desires toward her.
Another one: 'Oh God, why are you doing this to me, I will never enjoy the joy of Romantic/Love life" (Saturn in 5th).
All this is happening on some very deep and Emotional level. Something very instinctual (4th house) and deeply rooted into the unconsciousness.
Now, for example, when I look at the pictures of the last girl I Wanted and not been able to even hold her in my arms, I have this feeling of 'Being Defeated'.
So, these are the dynamics I know about and I'm still searching for an answers for finding ways to transform these inner dynamics.
I would be very thankful if someone of you guys here give your views on this (and my chart in general) because I can't see the whole thing from the outside.
Feel free to ask any kind of questions related to this and my life and I'm open to discuss it in order to Transform the inner dynamics of my being.
Thank you for your time!